For the first time in months, today, I reached, some level of relaxation. After hot yoga and a massage, my mind came to a halt. The feeling of putting out "three times" the effort to get "one time" back stopped. As I left massage therapy, I walked down the street and past a church. The last time I felt desperate enough for change was when I left the Ex-ex and I darted into St. Patrick's cathedral to pray.
Yes.....pray. I am not religious. I was raised Catholic but don't believe in structured religion anymore but when times feel desperate, I can enter a church and find a childhood peace and comfort that doesn't exist in my adult life. The church was so quiet. There was chaos out on the street, but it was so tranquil in there.
I prayed (mostly I am praying to myself, not to a God), that the change I am looking for happens. The last time when I was in St. Patrick's I prayed for a job so I could get out of my relationship. This time I prayed for the continued chaos in my head to stop, for things to move forward in a positive fashion and to not feel so desperate all the time.
On day 40 til 40, I reverted back to my childhood and prayed.
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