I had a couple of surreal moments this past week that made me realize how much time has passed over the years. My Italian college ex-boyfriend who visited last weekend told me his marriage was ending. He flashed his left hand at me and said, "Look!"
In a very Sex and the City moment, I did not notice that the hand flashing was supposed to indicate that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring anymore. I never notice wedding rings except when I'm doing that initial "once over" upon first seeing a guy (first thought - ring/no ring?, second thought - gay/not gay?)
His marriage is ending, its for the best. He wants more kids. She doesn't even like being a mother to the eight year old they have. He's been married for ten years. It was strange to acknowledge how much time had passed since we first met. He said he's learned that you really never know the person you are marrying and when you marry in your 20's, chances are that you make this decision based on only two or three significant relationships in your lifetime before choosing a "life" mate. It never occurred to me that one of those three significant relationships -- was me.
It was great to spend time with someone who is such a long time friend. Its the type of friendship that feels like the long periods of absence have not passed. We are both pragmatists. I wonder if it ever could have worked out.
The second surreal moment was taking my BFF's dog, Gabey, to his ex-husband's in Inwood. On the drive up there, I listened to Dave bemoan his separation and resent having to schlep the dog back and forth between him and the ex who had moved "so damn far away." Crossing the streets of Inwood with Gabey on a leash struck me how long Dave and I have been friends. Gabey, in Inwood? Just weird. I remember when we went to Harlem to pick up Gabey from the pound. Now here we were, well over twelve years later, going to his ex-husband's new, pre-war apartment.
It was the first time I had seen them together since the break up. It was a very weird, Woody Allen movie moment. The "pleasantries" of the ex's, the schlep to the new neighborhood, the new pre-war apartment.
So much time has passed. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it all.
