Flora Fling's Filings

40 til 40 (Day 1)

I've arrived in Vegas. And I'm realizing I might need to stop blaming the universe and accept the struggles of life. I wake up to my period starting 3 days early (no big deal) and my left eye glued shut due to some infection (big deal). Time to find an emergency room. 

Luckily I find an emergency care center, "You've got the beginnings of a stye. Use a warm compress repeatedly and antibiotic ointment for seven days, don't wear contacts or make up."

BUT ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! I CAN'T WEAR EYEGLASSES AND NO MAKE UP!! NOT WITH ALL THE DRESSES I BOUGHT!!

I walk to the pharmacy. I'm the only person walking in Las Vegas. Who walks in the desert? I have a parasol, its only two blocks. Two, LONG, Las Vegas blocks. I get to the pharmacy and shop like crazy while waiting for my prescription to be filled. I check out and take my bags and parasol and head down a grassy knoll in flip flops. There is not really a pedestrian exit since this is a driving town so I cut across a grassy knoll. And slip on my ass in some unseen mud with my bags, my parasol and my ass landing on the ground. My ass is so muddy, I might as well have smashed a cake on my right butt check, icing and all. 

I burst into tears of frustration. No one is there to help me, there isn't even anyone on the sidewalk. I can't reach my best friend on the phone (I've been trying all morning) and WTF am I supposed to do being that I'm on the verge of turning 40, alone, crying with an ass full of mud!??!

I head back into the pharmacy and Raymond, behind the counter, offers paper towels and a bathroom. I go in the bathroom and cry some more. And clean myself off. And cry.

I head back out to the counter where Raymond, in all of his 25 youthful years of wisdom, says very gently, "You're going to be ok. Why don't you go buy the dish soap that's on sale in the weekly circular so you can wash your shorts at the hotel. Its only 89 cents." As a New Yorker I act like I don't have time to go back and get the dish soap on sale....but WTF is my hurry anyway? I have an ass full of mud and I'm feeling sorry for myself. Might as well save 20 cents.  

I follow his advice and save 20 cents. On my way out, he tells me, "I think you're going to be ok."

I think I don't have a choice except to be ok.

40 til 40 (Day 2)

I woke up this morning and the first feeling I had was one of dread, "Oh my god, I'm turning 40 in 2 days."

Then mad packing marathon for my trip begins. But before I pack, coffee, which results in two cold, wet, bitch slaps from the universe across the face. First, the Music Producer walking down the street, looking sexy, which reminds me why I was attracted to him in the first place <fist to sky, cursing the universe>.

And secondly, I see Coffeeshop Boyfriend leaving in a car with his lady du jour (her car), from her apartment building across the street, with her daughter and her nanny (yes, nanny). They are clearly going on a trip. He looks happy.

I realize I've never had to deal with this end of a breakup/break off. The witnessing of the intimacy  "he" develops with the next person. I've always had full break away or "he" doesn't rebound so quickly. This rebound is fierce and he's bi-winning. 

Me, I just want to escape to Vegas and try my luck.

40 til 40 (Day 3)

I keep posting "exhaustion" but it truly is! I can't imagine how I will get everything packed for my birthday trip to the Burlesque Hall of Fame!

40 til 40 (Day 4)

I finally got back on the the trapeze tonight. Its been three months. Ambivalent at first, but then I realized how much I miss my girls! Tuesday Love....rocks my heart!

40 til 40 (Day 5)

And, I lost my phone....sigh. Let's just call it a "friendship cleansing" from the universe. Am so swamped trying to get ready for my birthday trip, I can barely deal with one more logistical nightmare. 

Godspeed dear friends who pretend, but really are not my friends. 

40 til 40 (Day 6)

I realize my day-to-day life in NYC has worn me down to the point where I need 10-11 hours of sleep upon vacation. Utter exhaustion. I have gone on two runs and a long walk in the past two days. My brain feels rotted, full of a type of toxicity that you wonder if you will ever be able to exorcize from the brain. 

40 til 40 (Day 7)

In Vermont for the Memorial Day weekend. Everyone has stayed up to smoke and drink. I went to bed at 9:30pm. EXHAUSTED. 

40 til 40 (Day 8)

Saw Lady Gaga in Central Park at Summer Stage this morning. VIP seats. Close. Cost me $0. She was amazing. I had to get up at 4:00am to be in the park at 5:30am. Worth it but led to further exhaustion.

40 til 40 (Day 9)

Complete exhaustion. Randomly went to an art show with an Aussie who lives in LA. It was not a date. He let me pay for dinner....and then tried to get away with not paying for after dinner drinks. Seriously? WTF? Why am I exposed to this type of male?

40 til 40 (Day 10)

Only 10 days away from my birthday. I can't believe it. I've been shopping like crazy for my trip to the Burlesque Hall of Fame. I think I have almost everything I need. I haven't shopped with such unbridled glee in ages but its exhausting.

Or maybe my life is just exhausting. Came home and couldn't find the energy to pack. Too tired. These past months, this year, (which I can't believe is almost half over) has been exhausting.